Hip Cleavage
Hip Cleavage
Being the mother of four sons I have frequently had a hard time keeping up with fashion. I always felt like I needed a teenage daughter to say “Mom, ah no, you are not going to wear that. It’s got old lady written all over it.” Or worse “Mom, ah no, you are not going to wear that. It’s too young for you.” I need that just to keep myself in line.
When my boys were in high school I was hearing a lot about thongs. Everyone was wearing a thong. Many of the younger generation were proud to show their thongs off just above their blue jeans - a whale tail. I heard that thongs could reduce the VPL - visual panty line for those of you who aren’t in the know - which did grab my attention since I still wore tight pants and dresses at times.
I was told by more than one woman that thongs were “the magical brief” whether it’s because of the barely-there feeling you get when you put them on or the confidence boost in your sex appeal that you feel when you wear them, they were making a major comeback.
I say comeback because thongs have been around for thousands of years beginning with the fundoshi, the traditional Japanese undergarment favored by sumo wrestlers. In 1939 nude dancers were ordered to cover up during the New York World’s Fair so of course they turned to thongs and in 1979 the thong swimsuit was invented when nude bathing was outlawed in California. A year later thong underwear came to be.
Through the 1980’s I was busy having and raising four sons so I had neither the time nor the inclination to learn about and experiment with sexy underwear. I was feeling far from sexy, just busy and bedraggled. Thongs were not a topic of conversation with the young mothers I was hanging around with.
Somewhere between 2002 and 2019 the thong became the #1 best selling underwear in the great US of A. It was somewhere between those years that I decided that I should take the plunge and try thong underwear.
Not sure why but I always walk into Victoria’s Secret feeling like I don’t belong. Perhaps it’s the age of the young clerks, or being surrounded by clothing oozing sex. Maybe I have just never considered myself sexy enough to wear Victoria’s Secret clothes due to my 60’s puritan upbringing. Whatever the reason my discomfort goes up exponentially as soon as I walk through the door. I am surrounded by every kind of underwear you can imagine and some you can’t. So I meander through the aisles fingering the soft fabrics and keeping my eye out for thongs.
My trip to this local Victoria’s Secret was . . . confusing. I have never been confused by underwear before so this was new to me. Much to my surprise and bewilderment there were so many different types of thongs - Tanga, Butterfly, G String, T String, C String, V String, Cheeky, Brazilian, Mini-string and of course, the Rio! I picked them up one at a time and scrutinized them still confused as to how they could possibly be comfortable. But I was in this for the long haul and finally picked out a G-String - what I thought could be the training wheels for my first thong experience. And although I was leaning toward the satin, I decided to keep it simple with a nice cotton. I ran them up to the checkout and then, with my Victoria’s Secret bag in hand I headed to my car. Now, interesting enough once I am out of the store itself I feel very proud to be walking around with my Victoria’s Secret bag. Because at that point I want everyone to know that I am young enough and sexy enough to shop at Victoria’s Secret. So here I am flashing my Victoria’s Secret bag around for everyone to see, a big smile on my face, as I head to my car.
Once home, although quite excited about my purchase I am still confused. How exactly does it go on? Which is the front and which is the back? Convinced that I have it figured out I put it on and pull my pants up over the thong but within minutes I realize I do not like the feel of it. How do people wear this for even a few minutes much less all evening? What is the draw to this underwear? I simply don’t understand. I took the thong off and decided that this new fangled underwear was not for me. It quickly worked its way to the back of my underwear drawer.
A few weeks later I was talking to one of my woman friends describing what I was going to wear at the formal awards ceremony my husband Jon and I were attending.
She responded “You better wear a thong with that, otherwise you are going to have the dreaded VPL. You do own a thong don’t you?”
I demurred. “Well yes, of course. But I don’t like how they feel.”
“What don’t you like about them?” she asked.
“They’re just uncomfortable, you know, that little strap going up between your . . .”
Her mouth dropped open as she looked at me incredulously but then she threw her head back and started laughing - guffawing even. Tears came to her eyes as she laughed and it was at that moment that I realized - yes, I had put the thong on backwards. Sheepish and red-faced I just watched her laugh and then I couldn’t help myself I started chuckling and before long neither of us could catch our breath we were laughing so hard.
I have since pulled my little cotton G-string out from the back of my underwear drawer and have even bought a couple more thongs in satin and lace. I am proud to say I no longer have any problem walking into a Victoria’s Secret and you won’t see me walking around town with a VPL.