NEED. MORE. SLEEP.
When I was little I slept everywhere. Sometimes my mother couldn’t get me to stay awake if my life depended on it. I was KNOWN for how well I slept. My position at the dinner table of our family of six was right next to my Mom because I used to fall asleep at dinner and she would try to catch me before my face hit my plate. One time we were camping in Michigan and a tornado passed very close to the campgrounds. I slept through it. At breakfast while everyone talked about the exciting night I listened with intense scrutiny wondering at what I had missed. My Mom used to say “Laura we could stand you up in a corner and you would still fall asleep.”
I also used to walk and talk in my sleep. One night I was sleeping and my sister came home with a half eaten ice cream cone. She asked if I wanted it and I said yes. The next morning I found it melted on my dresser and had no idea where it had come from. Creepy. When I sleep walk sometimes I know I am sleepwalking or sleep talking. I’ll wake up the next morning and say “Jon, did I ask you about my Uncle Phil riding a wagon out the front door last night?” He’ll say “Yeah I thought it was weird until I figured out you were asleep.”
To this day I always fall asleep in the car. I try to offer Jon a break from driving when we are on road trips. He usually just chuckles because he and I both know I am talking about a 30 minute break because that’s how long I can last at the wheel without falling asleep.
When Jon and I moved to California we had two cars to drive across the country. We would have to stop every afternoon someplace where we could lay out a blanket so I could get my afternoon nap. I would take a power nap and then we would be off again. Coffee does not work for me. Caffeine has no affect on me. On this cross country trip however I did learn that eating while driving helps me stay awake. I make it to my destination but I arrive 5 pounds heavier. So I’ve switched to eating ice. My Daughter in Law is the only person I know who can fall asleep faster in a car.
All of this changed once I had the boys. Like most mothers, I slept with one ear cocked to the sound of the kids. We practiced the family bed which we loved. Besides the queen size bed we had two sidecars on either side of the bed. At one point we had two older boys in the side cars and the baby in the bed with us. By son number three, Sam, I had learned how to latch the baby onto the breast barely waking and sometimes I would wake up and he would be on the other breast. Good for you Sam! Sometimes one of the boys in the family bed would be having a rough night so I would pick him up and we would go sleep in another room or on the couch. Once I left the bed one or both of the other boys would gravitate toward Jon. Jon would sleep through it all and wake in the morning never knowing who would be in bed with him and where I ended up.
The boys are gone and I don’t have to keep my ear cocked for their cries but still I don’t sleep well. Many times it is due to “Monkey Brain”. All of my problems and ideas are swinging around in my brain from neuron to neuron keeping it very busy when it should be sleeping. Or one of the songs I was singing to my grandchildren that day is worming through my sleep deprived brain keeping it awake . . . Baby shark do do do do do do Baby shark do do do do do do . . .
I also have always had very vivid dreams that wake me. Dreams about people I haven’t thought about in 30 years, weird psycho dreams, stress dreams, creepy macabre dreams, nightmares, you name it, I’ve dreamt it. When I wake from such a dream it takes me awhile to get my bearings and process the dream before I can try to fall asleep again. If it was a really intense dream I write in a dream diary because once I write the dream down I seem to be able to fall asleep again.
Sometimes I will think of something I need to remember in the morning. I won’t be able to sleep so worried I am that I will forget. I used to put something on my bedside table in a strange position just to remind myself that I had to remember to do something. I might put my slippers on top of my clock for instance. Then in the morning I would see it and think “Oh yeah, I put my slippers on my clock so I would remember to buy some stamps today.” That worked for awhile but as I got older I would see it and think “What the hell are my slippers doing on top of my clock?” So now I keep a paper and pencil on my bedside table so I can write down anything I need to remember and go back to sleep.
My neighbor once gave me a gummy. He told me to take one quarter of the gummy, no more because it would really hit me. He assured me it would help me sleep. I took one quarter , , , then another . . . a full gummy into it and I was still wide awake. Didn’t touch me. Warm milk works but you have to get up and out of bed to go warm the milk. I’ve been thinking of keeping a hot pot next to my bed with milk in it so I could just reach over and turn it on.
I have tried a multitude of pillows (I am up to five and thinking I might need one more), different mattresses, different toppers. One of the mattresses I rejected after we had it for about six months so we put it into our guest bedroom. For some reason when I sleep on that mattress in THAT room it is really comfortable and I sleep really well. I could ruminate all night on why this mattress is better in another room but wasn’t good when it was in our room. I could ruminate all night . . . and I probably will.
Sometimes I lie there listening to Jon’s gentle snoring. I can’t be angry at him for snoring because he can’t help it. He doesn’t know he’s snoring. He’s asleep! But I do resent him because he’s sleeping. I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a husband.