Family Part 4 - My Uncle John

My Uncle John (Aunt Mary K’s husband) was a tease, a cheat, a crackpot and one of the smartest and funniest men I know and we loved him.  I know for a fact that he was very smart because his explanation of thunderstorms included a giant dragon-like beast in the sky called a Paloca. 

He had musical talent beyond belief.  He could play anything by ear.  Hum a song and he would sit down at the organ or piano and play it, chords and all. As a child I used to hope that even though we weren’t related by blood there was some way I could have gotten that particular gene.  He taught us how to play doodly doo on the piano, he taught us words like lethargic and euphoric, he taught us archery, he taught us about Shakespeare and bratwurst and he taught us how to cheat at cards.  And yet he would drive me nuts by beating me every time at gin rummy not by cheating but by picking up every single card I discarded.

Uncle John loved his lawn, he loved his roses and he loved Laurel and Hardy.  He knew all the Laurel and Hardy episodes by heart.  Watching Laurel and Hardy together he would tell you what was about to happen, then it would happen and he would still laugh like he was seeing it for the first time.

Coffee was Uncle John’s drink of choice.  When we went camping he would use his handkerchief as a coffee filter or what the heck he would throw the grains right into the pot of water.  He smoked unfiltered camel cigarettes for as long as I knew him. 

He was one of the few people in his neighborhood and probably the world who owned both a spaghetti tree and a bubble gum tree, which also bloomed candy canes in the winter.  He was a master of the English language, impossible to play scrabble with and there wasn’t a jigsaw puzzle out there that could stump him.

Uncle John knew how to celebrate the holidays.  One Easter we were coloring eggs and put pretty little things on them like Happy Easter and flowers and bunnies.  He showed us his egg.  It had on it one word – “Shit”.  I think I remember him saying he would leave it in his boss’ desk.  On Thanksgiving toward the end of dinner we would all be groaning around the table from eating too much and Uncle John would raise a finger to his nose and say “Waste not, want not” and much to our amazement would have one last helping of everything.

My earliest memories were of the day he read “Babes in Toyland” to all of the nieces and nephews – the sloppiest rendition we have ever heard.  He spit and slobbered over every “S” and “P” as we screeched and laughed. 

He was proud of us and often told stories of us to his students.  When my sister Ann was 14 she knit Uncle John a winter hat.  He wore it everywhere and boasted to his college students that it was hand knit by his virgin niece.

I want to thank him for selling an old car of his to our parents when we were teenagers.  It became the “kids” car.  I’m thanking him because we were the envy of everyone we knew as it was a ’68 Camaro.

This is what I learned from my Uncle John:

No matter what supplies you have or don’t have you can ALWAYS make a cup of coffee.

It is best to communicate with children through their imaginations.

Laughter and silliness keep you young.

Stop and smell the roses.

Every week add a new word to your vocabulary.

Music, always music.

Waste not, want not.

When I was around 9 years old I confessed to my Aunt Mary K that I wanted to marry my Uncle John because surely someone who was so funny wouldn’t be interested in all that yucky kissing and hugging stuff.  Of course now I know that underneath all of that teasing and silliness there was a very sweet guy who loved Mare and probably wouldn’t give her up for me anyway.

I hope he knows how much he meant to a group of nieces and nephews who were never bored at family events because of his antics, who learned from him the value of having a sense of humor in life, who thought of him as the truly lovable Unca John and who are very glad they know the fine art of cheating at cards.