I Wasn’t Always This Strong - Part 9

There is a balance that you must have when you are a nurse.  You must show empathy for your patient, be open to their needs whether or not those needs are rational.  By the same token you need to have a certain amount of professionalism to give them confidence in your skills as a health professional and to get them through the difficult or painful procedures.  This to me was one of the most difficult things to figure out, this balance. 

I was a very fearful nurse in my early days.  My lack of knowledge and experience scared me and made me shy away from making any decisions on my own.  I didn’t want to hurt people and in fact nearly passed out on a couple of occasions when I was in a room assisting with a painful procedure.  My surgery rotation was a nightmare as once they started cutting I would feel faint and the anethesiologist would end up having to give up his chair for me. It wasn’t the blood and guts that bothered me, I found that part of it very interesting. But I empathized too much and couldn’t shut off my emotions enough to do my job.  Just seeing someone cut open made me thing about how that must feel even though the patient wasn’t feeling it.

One day a resident grabbed me to assist with a procedure which I knew was going to be painful for the patient.  I told him flat out, “Let me get you another nurse.  I have been known to pass out during this procedure.”  He looked at me stymied and said “I don’t have time for that, just come with me.”  I followed him into the room and sure enough half way through the procedure I saw the big black blobs in front of my eyes and felt the familiar swimming in my head and had to leave the room.  There was a nurse right outside the door so I shoved her into the room to finish the procedure.  When the resident saw me later he asked “Where did  you go?  You just left.”  

“I told you I would pass out.”  

“How did you ever get through nursing school?”  

Good question.  I very nearly didn’t.   I knew I needed to become less empathetic and more professional but was unsure how to do that without turning off my emotions completely.  

A fellow nurse and very good friend of mine was Patt.  I met her in Los Angeles as we worked on the same Post Partum unit at Cedars Sinai Medical Center (the hospital of the stars).  We were both from Chicago and hit it off right away.  I not only loved Patt as a friend, I looked up to her as the perfect combination of empathy and professionalism in a nurse.  I watched her handle different situations with both the patients and the physicians and knew I wanted to be her when I grew up.  She had everyone’s respect and the patients loved her.  The patients felt safe with her and the physicians trusted her opinions.  I worked with Patt for 5 years on that floor and to this day give her credit for making me the nurse that I have become.  Whenever I don’t know what to do in a situation I ask myself, “What would Patt do?” 

I have known nurses who have turned off all emotions and are very professional but they come off as being cold hearted and uncaring.  I have seen other nurses who are very personable and entertaining with patients but do not have that professionalism that gives their patients the confidence and trust that they know what they are doing.  It is a fine line but I felt about ten years into my nursing career that I had finally reached that balance.  I have learned to joke around and chat with my patients, to give them the touch and words they need during difficult times but also provide them with the kind of professional care that they appreciate and need to feel safe.  And it is a beautiful thing.