I Wasn't Always This Strong - part 6

I have had many experiences with death and dying but the one that stands out the most was the life and death of Tommy Corvalli.  It was an incurable heart defect that would kill him.  The limp, blue baby was quickly transferred to our NICU at Children’s Hospital in Chicago.  There the physicians and nurses kept  Tommy alive artificially so that the parents, who were being transported from the hospital where they delivered, could hold their living son to say their good byes.  All night long, for 6-7 hours, we took turns hand bagging Little Tommy, forcing air into his lungs with what is referred to as an ambu bag.   Because of the nature of his cardiac anomalies we were unable to get him stable on the ventilators and the physicians knew there was no surgery that could save this little guy.   

Maddie and Jack Corvalli  arrived by ambulance in the early morning hours and Maddie took the frail, pale baby in her warm embrace and began rocking and singing to him as if he weren’t leaving her this very moment.    First she denied he was sick “Look at him, he looks good, he’s pink.  His heart must not be as bad as you think.”  She cooed and sang to her little baby.  Her husband put his arm around Maddie and tried to explain once more what was wrong with him.   She then became angry and lashed out at us “Why can’t you save him?!!  You have all this technology.  Don’t tell me there isn’t something you can do!”  Then bargaining as the tears flowed “Please God, make him ok, just make him ok and I will never ask for anything else in my life.  Just give me my baby.”  Jack and Maddie were both crying by now as they looked over their little boy.  Everyone in the unit had stopped what they were doing and watched this couple try to cope with their grief.  Tommy took his final breaths.  Maddie held him to her as she and her husband sobbed.  None of us could look away as we all joined in their grief.  Finally they pulled the blanket around Tommy and wrapped him snugly and ever so carefully handed him up to the physician.  Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance - They had gone through every stage of grief over just 20 minutes.  It shook me to my core and I have never forgotten that scene.