On Death and Dying - Part 3
When my Mom died the earth shifted under my feet. I truly believe that we have a physical tie to our mothers that is only severed at the time of their death.
As you know Grandma died quite suddenly and it was very traumatic for all of us. At the family reunion a month before her death she was her usual self - loving, teasing, laughing, playing. How could we ever know it would be the last time we would see her alive? Grandpa called very early a month later and told me Mom was in the hospital. He had heard her in the night and couldn’t rouse her. He had called 911 and the physicians didn’t know if she was going to make it. By the time I got off the phone Pop had booked me a flight to San Diego and was throwing clothes in a suitcase for me. Just as the plane was boarding at Oakland Airport Grandpa called again to say that we had lost her. To this day whenever I pass Gate 23 at the airport I feel tears spring to my eyes and I remember.
For many months I did not feel Mom. I was so very sad and caught up in my grief and prayed that she would make herself known in some way. It was a few months after her death that I started finding pennies everywhere. And not just on the ground as I was walking. I would find them in the most unusual of places - on my car fender, in the bed of the pick up truck, in a shoe, on the dashboard of the car. When we had her sister, Aunt Mare’s memorial in Osh Kosh, I went up to the front pew and there on the floor was a penny. I laughed to myself, how cliche, pennies from heaven - but I kept finding them. I would sometimes find as many as 6-8 pennies in a day. I was telling our nephew Paul about this one day on the phone and he scoffed at it. I said “Well Paul, I’ll bet you’ll find a penny in the next 24 hours. Grandma will want to let you know she’s close by.” A few hours later he texted me that he had gone to the store and there at his feet when he was checking out was a penny. He became a believer. One day on his way to a job interview Paul called me. I think he was feeling a little anxious. I said talk to Grandma. She’ll help you. I heard from him a little later. He told me he was walking up to the door for the interview and sure enough he found a penny. He also got the job. And on the day Grandpa died we found multiple pennies - Mom letting us know that he was safe and happy with her. I rarely find the pennies anymore. I don’t know if it is because I have moved on or because she has moved on.
My Grandpa Luke lived with us on and off for a number of years. He stayed with us in the Spring and Summer and with my Dad’s sister, Margie, in the Fall and Winter. As he aged he could not do much besides play solitaire or sit and watch his bird feeders. He decided one year to put up a bird feeder that would attract chickadees. For a few years he tried different bird feed hoping they would come. But alas he was disappointed year after year. He and my Mom often talked about death and dying. He was tired and ready to die. He would tell her on a regular basis to “give me the black pill. I’m done.” One day they made an agreement that once he died he would send her a sign that all was well. That winter in his late eighties he died of congestive heart failure. In the Spring following his death my Mom once again in his honor filled the chickadee bird feeder with your standard bird feed. And the chickadees came. They swirled around the feeder - 4, then 6 and eventually 9 of them. They stayed through the Spring and Summer but then never returned again.
It was shortly after we had moved into our house that my Grandma Edith came to visit. At the time we had three of you, all under the age of 5, Pop was working a lot of overtime and I was overwhelmed and exhausted. I was standing at the kitchen sink crying quietly when from behind me I heard a voice. It was my Grandma Edith who had died when I was 18. She said “It’s ok Laura, everything’s going to be ok.” Her voice was so clear and real that without even thinking I responded “I know Grandma, I know.” Then I stopped realizing that I was talking to a dead person and slowly turned around fully expecting to see my Grandma standing there in the kitchen but of course there was no one there.
Pop had a similar experience with his father who had died the year we met. He was at a museum with Zach who was two at the time. Pop was looking at an exhibit when he felt Zach let go of his hand and turn away from him. As he turned around Zach was running across the floor toward an elderly man. The elderly man picked Zach up and put him on his shoulders. Pop immediately recognized the man to be his deceased Father. He was smiling and Zach waved. Pop headed over but before he could reach them his Dad put Zach down and seemed to disappear while Zach ran toward Pop.
When I tell these stories to people I get mixed reactions. Some are instant believers, others instant doubters. They cynically inquire if these stories are true, why haven’t they experienced anything like this with their lost loved ones. There is so much we do not know about the afterlife. There is so much we don’t know about life in general. But to experience some of the more spiritual and yes, unbelievable aspects of this thing we call life you need to be open to the possibilities. One person’s coincidence is another person’s miracle. Why not experience the miracle?