On Making a Difference Part 1
“What a man does for himself dies with him; what he does for others lives long after he has gone.” — Theodore Roosevelt—
Late New Years Eve the phone rang. It was a woman who explained to me that every year on New Years Eve she and her husband talk and decide what person in their lives made the biggest impact on them the past year. They then give that person a call and thank them. She was calling to tell me how much they appreciated my help with their new baby who was born in June. That I was the person they had decided had helped them the most that year. I had no idea who this woman was. I did not remember her name. She was one of probably hundreds of women I assisted that year, but she remembered me. That phone call went straight to my heart and sits there like a warm piece of pie.
I was a Lactation Consultant for 23 years at the start of my career. I started as a La Leche League volunteer which lead to teaching breastfeeding classes at the hospital which lead to doing breastfeeding consultations first at the hospital and then on my own doing home visits as an independent contractor. I’m sure you boys know more about breastfeeding than most as you frequently overheard me counseling a Mom over the phone during the evening hours. I remember hearing one of you boys explain to someone that sore nipples were not normal and usually caused by improper latch on or yeast. You then went on to describe how to get a baby latched on properly as I proudly listened. As young children I don’t think you even knew babies took bottles and I have photos of Jake trying to breastfeed his teddy bear. Being a Lactation Consultant was one of the most rewarding roles I had as a nurse. When you work with people when they are at their most vulnerable they never forget you.
A couple of years ago I got a most unusual call at my work which at the time was an Endoscopy Center. It was a woman named Inessa. She explained to me that 16 years ago I had helped her breastfeed her baby and she was so grateful that she and her family never forgot me. She understood that I may not remember her but that didn’t matter. Today, she has a close friend who is breastfeeding her first born and is having problems and can’t get the help she needs. Would I please give her a call and help her out. Now I had been out of the business of breasts for the past 12 years. I promised to talk to her friend and do what I could but was thinking to myself “do I really want to get back into this?” I spoke to this new Mom, and had her meet me at my current job after hours so I could watch the baby nurse. I spent the next week helping her over the phone and giving advise. After another week she called and left a message that the baby was nursing well, had gained plenty of weight in the past week and she sounded thrilled. I was thrilled too and that wonderful feeling of making a difference in someone’s life that kept me in that job for all of those years came flooding back.
Over the years I have heard from a lot of Moms who I have counseled who were then able to counsel their own friends and family who were then able to counsel THEIR friends and family - like a stone dropped into a pond sending out ripples. How lucky I was to have a job where I could make such a difference in so many lives.
When you were growing up I very often felt a great sadness at how our world was changing and not for the better. Even simple manners seemed to be a thing of the past. Overwhelmed by all of the sadness and my feelings of hopelessness I finally decided that I needed to just concentrate on my little corner of this big vast world. So I put all of my efforts into raising you four boys to just be kind for even small acts of kindness and compassion go a long way.
We had just started Zach at St. Anselm School. It was right before Christmas vacation. Zach was in kindergarten and Jake was three and Sam was nearly two. Sam was going through a particularly bad stage of temper tantrums. One morning I had piled you all into the car to take Zach to school. On the way to school, something triggered Sam and put him into a foul mood. When I drove up to the school and opened the door to let Zach out Sam was working his way into a full on temper tantrum. I decided to just run Zach in as quickly as possible and leave Jake and Sam in the car. When I returned to the car Sam was at the peak of his tantrum, Jake keeping a safe distance. I had learned in the past to just let it take its course and run itself out. So I let Jake out to run around while I waited for Sam to calm down. I was, in fact, more than a little mortified that this was happening right out in front of the school. Luckily few people were around. There was, however, one woman walking toward me. I had remembered seeing her around the school and knew she was a fellow mother, Cecilia, with four children of her own. As she approached the car I wanted to hide so embarrassed I was by my child’s behavior. She didn’t walk past me, she walked right up to me, looked me right in the eye, put a hand on my arm and said “It’s that time of year. All the kids are a challenge right now.” And then she walked on. All my life I will never ever forget those words. Cecilia and I became good friends and if I told her about that day now I’m sure she would not remember it. But even after all these years, I remember that small kindness that made it possible for me to get through that temper tantrum and the rest of the day.
Small kindnesses, big results.