HOLIDAY PEACE??
Marin Independent Journal, November 2024
As a new nurse I had worked the night shift so after dinner I laid down to catch up on some sleep. It was Thanksgiving and I woke to the loud voices of my family reminiscent of 20 years before on a cold Thanksgiving day. A heated argument about . . . who knew? People moving quickly about, dishes clanging as they are thrown in the sink, feet stomping quickly and with purpose over the kitchen linoleum. I snuck downstairs to find my parents, my aunts, my uncles moving around the kitchen and dining area, everyone speaking at once, voices raised, no one listening to the other. As I passed through the kitchen my mother came by and rolled her eyes. She quickly packed up left overs and washed my Aunt’s pie plate. I headed past her and down the steps of the basement where I found the young adult cousins hovered around the wet bar shaking their heads and wondering at the ruckus above them.
“It’s happening again.”
“Well, we had a twenty year break. What triggered it this time?”
“Politics I think.”
Twenty years before, one of my Aunts had caused a similar furor when she accused my Grandma of playing favorites with the grandchildren. She and my Mom had had words while doing the Thanksgiving dishes in the kitchen. Within minutes everyone was moving at once, gathering together the belongings of my family of six. They sat us kids down by the door and told us not to move. Adults rushed around, speaking in harsh voices, the holiday ended abruptly. My parents pushed us out the door to the car and then silence. It was a tense, quiet ride home, Mom whispering to my Dad in the front seat, explaining what had happened. The next twenty years Thanksgiving was spent with my Aunt, Uncle and the cousins in a polite and nice enough atmosphere at each other’s homes. A truce. A twenty year truce until the whole family once again got together and history repeated itself.
I am from a no drama family. My parents, siblings, in-laws, kids, cousins and I all get along. The boys and their wives all get along. When I hear others speak of their troubled family get togethers throughout the holidays I cringe. I know that I could not deal with that kind of drama. I do not have the time, energy, or patience to tip toe through the minefield of misunderstandings and hurt feelings. It must be exhausting.
Every Thanksgiving between dinner and pie we go around the table and everyone states what they are thankful for. This year I will say that I am most thankful for a family that gets along by respecting each others life choices, compromising when needed, not discussing politics, and coming into the holidays with no expectations. I will thank my family for being fun to be with and continuing our legacy of being a no drama family.
And so as the holiday season begins I am excitedly prepping for a Thanksgiving with all of my boys and their families and a quieter Christmas when the boys will be spending their time with their in-laws and their families. And next year we will switch the holidays and I will have them all for Christmas. And sometimes this little plan of alternating holidays will work and sometimes it won’t. But it won’t matter because we are all in this together and the compromises are worth it just for some Holiday Peace.