FINDING JOY IN PINK, HORSES AND SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT

Nicole rides up the ramp in her decked out wheelchair her mother at her side. She wears a lot of pink - pink shoes, pink sweatshirt, pink helmet.  I love her pink but the thing that draws my attention the most is the big smile on her face.  Nicole is always smiling.  She wears a cloth harness that reaches up over her shoulders and around her waist.  There are two handles on each side of the harness that we use to hold onto Nicole once she is on the horse.   As Jazzy, the horse Nicole typically rides, is brought up to the ramp Nicole’s smile gets bigger if that is even possible. 

I met Nicole in early 2019 when I started volunteering at Halleck Creek Ranch, a Ranch offering equine therapy to people with disabilities.  I was totally new to being around horses and I had never worked with people with special needs.  I didn’t know what Nicole’s diagnosis was because it didn’t matter.  All I really needed to know was that she was confined to a wheelchair and wanted to ride a horse.  The first time I went out with Nicole she was a lot of work.  She had difficulty sitting up in the saddle and screamed a lot.  But it wasn’t so much a scream of fear as it was a scream of excitement and joy.  She admitted to being afraid and asked us frequently to help her but she was always smiling and laughing and that’s what drew me to her.   Nicole showed up every week to ride and quickly became everyone’s friend.  We held her up and supported her but she worked very hard at getting her core strong enough to support herself.  She required a side walker on each side and at the beginning we each had to use two hands on the harness just to keep her in the saddle.  As the months went by she grew stronger and stronger and pretty soon she would have days here and there where we didn’t have to hold with both hands but maybe could get away with using just one hand on the harness.   Even though you could see her tense up and get nervous going up and down hills she never stopped smiling.

Soon we started noticing that we didn’t get so tired supporting Nicole.  We weren’t using as much of our own strength because she was supporting herself more and more.  Before long, much to my dismay we were able to totally let go of her harness and just do a thigh or ankle hold.  Then one day as we came back from being on the trail I told Nicole that we were going to let go of her altogether.  She did her smiling scream that she does, we let go and Nicole rode with no one holding on to her.  What a great day that was.  From then on we would let go of her more and more as she got stronger and stronger.

The day that sticks out in my mind the most with Nicole was a beautiful Spring day.  We had about four horses with us and I was on one side of Nicole side walking.  As we approached a bush a big flock of birds flew out and startled the horses.  Jazzy threw her hip toward me stepping on my foot and hitting me hard enough that I flew through the air away from Nicole.  From my vantage point on the ground about ten feet away I saw Nicole slide off the horse and her foot get caught in the stirrup which failed to snap open as expected.   Everyone froze so as not to startle the horses even more and I hurried over to Jazzy to get Nicole untangled.  The horse’s eyes bulged in fear and you could see she was preparing to flee.  I got Nicole untangled and onto the ground.  We were all really shaken up but were able to calm all of the horses.  While we were waiting for assistance Nicole was lying on the ground with one of the volunteers lying next to her and although you could see she was scared she stayed very calm.  After getting everyone back to the ranch we all anxiously watched to see how Nicole would react.  She never got too upset but we were concerned about how this would affect her future riding.  The following week though, she showed up with her usual smile and enthusiasm to ride.   

I think about Nicole a lot and how joyful she always is.  How much joy she gets from things like the color pink and how much she shares her joy.   I am reminded that “joy does not simply happen to us.  We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.”  (Henri Nouwen)  

Awhile ago I came across a list I had written entitled simply “25 Things That Bring Me Joy”.  I have no recollection of writing this list and have no idea how long ago I wrote it but as I read through it I smiled. Just reading the list made me feel happy and in fact there were more than 25 things, there were 35 things!  Amazingly I had experienced at least 14 of these joyful things in the past three days!   Here then is my list:  

25 (really 35) THINGS THAT BRING ME JOY

a hike in the woods 

when my bike ride goes downhill

camping and campfires

good quality chocolate 

writing

the smell of jasmine 

sharing wisdom 

telling a story 

french fries 

paddling when the water is perfect

baking 

taking photos of people 

reading 

dancing

sleeping through the night

walking anywhere at dusk

picking a bouquet of flowers from my own garden

learning about something new 

crocheting 

watching/playing with my grandchildren

being able to offer comfort

ice cream cones

singing with Effie (my granddaughter)

listening to my boys’ banter

big thunder railroad

mentoring young people

clear blue warm ocean to swim in

wine

board games

fresh green grass

peonies

the smell of fresh herbs

soft shirts

giraffes

the milky way 

the first snow

When I woke up this morning the first thing I did was look out the window and it was light out!  And in that moment I knew I had slept through the night, something that these days rarely happens.  With a big smile across my face I buried my head into the pillow and chuckled.  How about that!  I slept through the night!  

Just as Nicole does, I think I will choose joy.  

Nicole is grateful, always grateful.  Grateful for the kindness of the horse, grateful to be riding, grateful to the volunteers for assisting her, grateful to her instructor.  She is always thanking me for my help.  I really must tell her how much she has given me in return.