The Other Side of Fear - Part 4

You may remember that one of my mantras to you boys was not “Be Careful” but instead  “Face your Fears”.  I didn’t want you to grow up being careful, I wanted you to try everything, to have adventures, to know you could do anything you put your mind to, to not hold back because you were afraid but rather push forward BECAUSE you were afraid. To me, fear is not a thing to be avoided.  Fear is to be embraced.  Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of retribution, fear of emotional pain, fear of physical harm.  .  .

“Life Begins at the End of your Comfort Zone.”

Shortly after my skydiving, Jake, Grandma and I were at California Adventure.  I cannot remember why it was the three of us but we were having one of those perfect days - the weather was warm but not too warm, we were all in good spirits, the crowds were small.   At one point we came upon a ride called the Malibu Jumper.  It was a towering column on which about 16 seats are attached around the bottom with the seats facing outward.  The riders sit in the seats and they shoot up to the top of the tower and then drop down, fly up and drop down –  3 times.  This was one of those rides that terrified me.  Just watching the people board, shoot up into the sky and rapidly descend caused my palms to sweat and my heart to race. But this also was shortly after my skydiving and Jake has a way of talking me into things I probably should not do. 

Note to self: Quit hanging around with Jake.

The three of us sat on a bench, hypnotized by the rhythm of the ride - up, down, up, down and I figured out that the seats shot up the tower 11 seconds after they buckled you in.  The entire ride lasted about 28 seconds.  I kept thinking to myself, what is the worst that can happen?  I’ll be absolutely terrified for 28 seconds of my life.  Surely I can handle that. How could I not “face my fears”??    One group off, another on and up and down the seats would go. We sent Jake onto the ride by himself so he could report back to us whether or not you get “that stomach feeling” on the ride. You know the one I’m referring to - when your stomach rides up into your throat and can only be released by a good hearty scream at the top of your lungs. Jake who knows not to lie to his mother, promised that I would not get “that stomach feeling” on this ride. We finally climbed aboard, strapped ourselves in and grabbed the bars on either side of our seats. And then, we started counting 1, 2, 3 . . .10, 11.

It shot up and my stomach immediately went into my throat. We hit the top and with my hands clenched around the bars my mouth opened to scream just as it plunged back down, my stomach along with it.   Hitting the bottom, I caught my breath and much to my horror we roared back up. Out of my periphery for just the few seconds of hesitation at the top I saw Jake laughing as if this was fun. Once again the chair dropped along with my stomach and I heard Jake yelling “Open your eyes! Open your eyes!” But wait, it wasn’t over. For the third time we headed back up and for the third time my stomach went into my throat. And with the final plunge I had run out of scream and could only grasp the bars and pray for the 28 seconds to end. And when it did I couldn’t move. I could hear everyone else unbuckling their belts, laughing with excitement and I could hear Jake begging me to let go. He peeled my hands off of the bars and dragged me off the ride.  Now you might expect me to say I was spent but in fact I was exhilarated!!   

I realized with the Malibu Jumper what it was that I feared the most. I was afraid of the fear. The nitty gritty, heartstopping, stomach churning, all encompassing, sweaty palm fear. And once I got to the other side of that fear, it was exhilarating.